Why some leaders are less empathetic than others?
I am working on a few women's leadership programmes at the moment as many organisations are placing even more focus on building and growing their own pipeline of female leaders.
The exam question that seems to be on everyone's mind is:
How do we achieve more gender balance at senior levels of our organisations, and what’s happening to the balance we have at more junior levels?
Why are women falling out of the systems at certain levels?’
There is lots more to write about this subject over the coming months as work progresses!
One of the curious and surprising findings to me which has been emerging from interviews across sectors is that some leaders who have made it to senior leadership positions seem to have forgotten how hard it is to make your way to senior leadership and don’t seem as supportive as I thought they might be, this includes women as well as men.
I decided to do a bit of digging around research and reflecting on this and came across this piece of research about empathy from HBR which in my mind at leasts connects to what I’ve been noticing.
When you’ve struggled through difficult situations, empathy research suggests that you have less, not more, empathy for those in similar situations to you.
This feels relevant at the moment, not just to women’s leadership, but also to how we are connecting with and empathising with employees in the COVID workplace.
It also made me stop and ask myself if I do this too. Maybe I am not as understanding as I could be because sometimes I have also forgotten how hard things were? When you are the other side of your struggle you think, if I can do this anyone can do it, and you perhaps underestimate how hard it was for you at the time you were going through it.
When I connect to those times of struggle in my own life, new born babies, moving countries, early days of separation of divorce, bias in workplace, homeschooling and COVID(!!!) and I go back to the moments and really connect to the struggle, I find my empathy can return.
Everyone is struggling right now with their own version of their struggle so empathy and vulnerability of our senior leaders is even more important than ever.
A special plea to senior leaders: don’t forget the struggle, and support those younger versions of yourself in your organisations.
Young people and working mothers in organisations are struggling more than any other groups. So look out for them. Here are some top empathy tips:
Being empathetic and vulnerable requires you to connect or reconnect with your own pain - remember that part of yourself that did struggle what might you have needed at that time?
Make time to listen and ask questions
Don’t assume your experience is the same as others - Ask people what help or support would be helpful to them
Share your story and struggle and invite others to share this helps others feel less alone
Be vulnerable - your vulnerability and sharing opens up conversations and invites others to share their experiences with you
Brene Brown is the mother of all vulnerability and shame work so do check out all the resources on her website
