Let’s talk about Languishing
How are you feeling?
Honestly, how are you really feeling?
I’m generally quite an upbeat person and I have lots to be grateful for so I feel guilty for not being at my best all of the time.
As May dawns and I look out at the rest of 2021, I notice I do feel a bit hopeless sometimes and sad at everything that is happening in the world and sad that I’ve resigned myself to the fact I’m not going to see friends and family in the UK or anywhere else possibly for the rest of this year.
Work is my distraction from these feelings on some days - it’s easier to keep busy than it is to face some of this sadness. I know I’m not alone in this I think this is also a reason why many are ‘over-working’ and not setting themselves their own boundaries because it is easier to ‘numb-out’ by working that really stop and feel the sadness.
The recent NYT article by Adam Grant described this feeling as languishing - it was kind of reassuring for us to have a label for it.
The antidote to languishing is focussed uninterrupted time, small goals, small wins and getting into flow.
I find my most happy moments at the moment are the ones were my iPhone is far away from me where I’m in the zone doing something with the kids or where I’m working on some design, or even writing this newsletter - the moments where all pings, and message notification are switched off and there is peace, silence, no interruptions and flow.
Grant suggests that this ‘Flow’ helps up minimise the languishing. People who became more immersed in their projects managed to avoid languishing and maintained their prepandemic happiness. He says fragmented attention is an enemy of engagement and excellence.
So given that we are all becoming slaves to TEAMS notifications, emails, Whatsapp’s at all hours of day and night, how can we take some of this flow back into our own control?
Block your diary for focussed time (people will live without you at home or work for 60 minutes I promise).
Small wins - Choose a couple of very small things you’d like to achieve and things your are motivated to make progress on and get some dopamine hits in by completing them. Read my Tiny Habits post for more on this.
Change your environment - if COVID restrictions allow - go and work in a coffee shop for an hour or so, or if not, even just change the room in your house you are working in
Journal, journal, journal - buy yourself a notebook (there is something extra powerful about handwriting) and keep writing down what’s going on in your head, honestly it’s the cheapest mental health tool there is. It stops ruminating and just gives your brain a rest from the vicious cycles of thought patterns we can get into. I fill a book every 6 weeks and my partner and kids get a better me from my journaling!!!! Less nagging, more processed thoughts!
