Jennifer Moss in her HBR article When Passion Leads to Burnout, says this statement is a complete myth. What if doing what you love means you never switch off and you are somehow always working? So can you burn out doing the work you love? Moss says.. 'When we equate work we love with “not really working,” it propagates a belief that if we love it so much, we should do more of it" — all of the time.

This has been my reflection this year as I observe myself working very hard loving everything I'm doing, my work, my clients and my fabulous colleagues and getting a lot done. In turn though, I have been letting all the other things I love slide down the to-do list, those coffees with people, my social life and really taking care of myself. My partner keeps telling me you really do work very hard, you do not seem to be taking care of yourself right now.

Which although said with love, sends me down a hole of more self-judgement because I believe in walking the talk and believe I must take care of myself because that is what I tell all my clients to be paying attention too. So now I’ve got even more work to do to role model taking care of myself, which is something I realise I still need to get much better at. And so that has been my 2019 project that’s still work in progress.

My two wonderful boys who I love dearly have started to ask me at bedtimes, have you got calls tonight Mummy? The joys of working from Asia evenings become great Europe and US conference call zones and I don't mind doing that. I'm good with the flexibility, but what I started to notice is they sense the different energy of a rushed bedtime versus a more leisurely bedtime. They are my biggest truth tellers and I knew I needed to do something differently, everything has been shouting at me, stop, slow down. I was craving space, space to do nothing and be nothing and to revive so I can be my best for myself and everyone around me.

And so I pause, take stock, I breath and just be grateful and a little bit tired. I am very grateful to be writing this from beautiful Ubud, Bali. One of the blessings of working in Asia, just over 2 hours away you can be transported into a whole different world from the hustle and bustle of Singapore. Here I pause with Danielle North and some fabulous ladies and I really reflect, not just on my own story but on the many stories I hear from my clients.

Many just on the edge of burn out - not quite burnt out enough to fully stop or not yet have their bodies give them very clear messages that they have to stop. They (& I) are muddling along with just not as much energy, vitality and aliveness as they really could have. I find myself this year on this precipice of seeing the edges of burnout. I haven’t been here before, so loudly. I think I can handle an awful lot, so I almost feel cross with myself to be here.

In her article Moss says purpose led burnout is a real thing. She advocates that in purpose driven sectors, burnout is higher. Moss says that burnout out is higher in any profession where you strongly identify with your work to the extent that you may lack balance between your work and personal life and / or you work in a helping profession.

Big alarm bells - ding ding ding - that is me and many others I know, and it’s on the rise. People with purpose and passion, we all want those in our organisations don’t we?

The world health organisation categorises burn out as:

feelings of energy depletion and exhaustion (check)
Increased mental distance from ones job / feelings of negativity and cynicism towards ones job (a little)
Reduced professional efficacy (ability to get your job done as effectively)

Burnout isn’t just a few busy weeks or few busy months or even a busy year - burnout is an accumulation of many years of not truly taking care of yourself. Work, parenthood, life takes it all out of us if we are not paying attention to this accumulation and being busy and stoic has become the way we all survive, but not truly thrive.

So, let’s look at these professions, (including my own) where purpose led burnout is typically higher. It’s usually where people do find great meaning in what they do, their work is their purpose and often the extra discretional effort people are putting in is not led by their boss or their organisation demanding that they must work more, harder, etc - it’s usually an intrinsic personal motivation and desire to be there for others, care more, do more, deliver more that drives the burnout.

For nurses, doctors, psychologists, mental health professionals, therapists, health workers, HR professionals, OD professionals, passionate managers, leaders, facilitators, consultants, coaches everywhere - anyone in the business of people, naturally takes on a heavier mental and emotional load of those they support or care about. Even those with the most amazing boundaries and self-care practices still admit that they think or worry about their clients long after they need to.

So, what can we do about all of this? Firstly, I cannot profess to be an expert here only work in progress learning with you, but this is what I am learning as I go.

“I am not wonder woman (or superman), and neither are you.”

Much as I loved the movie Wonder Woman, I hate to admit I am not Wonder Woman. We have to know our capacity and there is only so much anyone of us can do or achieve at any given time, no matter how capable we are. I love the quote, you can have it all, just not all at the same time. (Betty Friedan) So I’ve really being trying to reflect on what is most important, what is my purpose and intention for this day, this week, this period of life and trying to refocus and plan for those things. Knowing that quite possibly next week, next phase will bring another set of challenges to solve because that is what life is - so trying my best to deal with work and life with agility, grace and compassion for myself and for all those around me. Also knowing all those around me are also not wonder women or super men. Just humans with their own challenges. Try hard (I am trying to improve here) to put in place big or small boundaries of what’s OK, not OK for you - be it evening conference call time limit, to creating space in your diary, practice with some small boundaries and see what happens. The only people who will be unhappy about your boundary setting are those who benefited from you having none in the first place.

I am the only one who can take care of me, you are the only one who can take care of you. Again, not that there are not loving and caring people in my life or your life, but that I and you must take full responsibility for caring for and saving ourselves. No matter how supportive your organisation and how much well-being is now at least on the agenda in many organisations, still it is your job to take care of yourself. It’s also your job to ask your friends and family for support or take it if they offer. Ask for what you need, give yourself what you need, don’t be stoic and perfect. You are your most important asset, so if you need a service or your tyres upgrading or your oil changing or just to not be driving at all. Then do it - listen to your body, your mind your emotions and respond accordingly. This is the first time in my life I have taken a pause. I know my work and family will benefit from my increased energy when I am back, so I am trying hard (when the guilt feelings kick in) to see it as a gift to everyone around me!

If all else fails, go back to the basics

I know it, you know it, but we just want a silver bullet solution that quickly recharges and renews us. Pick me ups are great but don’t effect real change, real change is regular, sustainable habits, keep doing the not very exciting things regularly and keep practicing.

Rest and sleep

Minimum 8 hours a day. I sometimes do a quick hands up poll with groups I work with and many times I can’t hide my surprise when half the room says they are surviving with 6 hours sleep or less. You might be fine for a while, but it will catch up with you. Your body needs minimum 8 hours sleep to recharge, renew, reset and rest. Take your holidays, there are no prizes for not taking holidays - so take them because you need them and switch off. People will live without you! Check out this video below - Sleep or Die

Food & exercise

I love a glass of wine or bubbles, but I also know that really caring for my body looks like low sugar, low carb, low alcohol, fruits, veggies etc. I know we all know that, but often when I am depleted it takes real effort to do good food. I’m now 15 days into whole30.com.(check it out) It’s the first time I’ve committed to something for this period of time and already I can feel the benefits. It doesn’t have to be marathons (although they are fabulous too), but 30mins of moving your body anyway you want every day is good for the body, mind and soul.

Friendships, family and connections

Make time for those you love and those who love you. At the end of your life you won’t be wishing you spent more time in the office, you will be hoping you are surrounded by those you love and made a meaningful contribution to life.

Create more space than you think you need

Create mini pauses in your day, in your life, in your diary. More space to plan, think, be versus do. Remembering we are human beings after all, not human doings. For more tips on pausing, check out Danielle's advice in her great book PAUSE.

Remember you always have a choice and get clear on your purpose

It can be hard when you are on the hamster wheel of life to remember that we chose this path, this life, this job, this role, this title. Reminding yourself that at some point you made either a conscious or unconscious choice to do what you are doing now. So, if it isn’t making you happy or bringing you joy, then make a different choice. Practice asking for what you want, versus talking about what you don’t want. Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it! Often, we spend much more of our energy focusing on what’s not working than what is and when we get clear about our purpose, intention, what we really do want, it’s amazing how much life supports us to get that. So, keep setting goals, visions, intentions and making conscious choices and see what happens.

Less self-judgement, more support

A lovely yoga instructor in Bali said this week, ask for support - even if it’s just a cushion. I really liked that, so simple, don’t struggle when you could be supported. How often do we struggle with the simple act of just asking for help or support on the basic things in life? If we all knew how much everyone is struggling a little bit we’d be much less judgmental of ourselves, much more compassionate and much more willing to ask for and / or offer help to others. Find your support tribe and love them hard. Find your friends, family, healers, therapists, coaches, supporters, co-workers, network of people who will catch you when you fall and put you back together again and don’t be afraid to reach out and say hey I really need you right now.

I’d love to hear from you, what are you doing to take care of yourself at the moment and put yourself back in the centre of your circle and how can you put more cushions all around you?

With much love, Carla x

PS – I am feeling recharged and renewed after 5 days of pausing at fabulous pause programme with a new intention to really take care of myself – check out Danielle's website for more information.

Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life: True or False?