Feel the fear and do it anyway…
…Or keep yourself stuck avoiding the fear?
One of the first ‘self-help’ books I read, was the all-time classic Fear the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers. Someone handed it to me in my first year of University.
At that time I’d left my small village on the South Coast of England and moved to the not so bright lights of (West) London. I’m still the only person in my immediate family to go to university and to me it was a great privilege to go and make a new life for myself. It was not easy – there was no path before me or guidance to follow. There was not much support and once I was at University I realised how different my life circumstances were from many of my fellow students and how much I did not know about life.
There were a lot of fears of not being good enough, not being smart enough, worrying about how to pay the fees, feed myself, how to eat, how would I make friends and all the natural fears that go along with a new chapter in your life. So this book was a genuine gift not only it’s title but that it started me on a journey of self-development and self-discovery that I will always be grateful for.
Fast forward 25 years…
Much has changed but still there are fears, in fact the fears seem to get bigger and the challenges of life get bigger!
Do you ever feel like you are the only one who is afraid?
I want you to know that you are not alone, me, you and all humans we all have some fundamental basic fears that often get triggered during times of change and uncertainty.
Maslow, talked about human needs and human fears, these are the things that unite us across race, gender, age, ethnicity, country, language. How we handle the fears and what we do to avoid them might be different but we all share fears.
Our fears fall into three summary levels of fears.
Level 1 Fears - Not being safe
Level 2 Fears - Not being loved
Level 3 Fears - Not being good enough
Often our fears are patterns of thinking that have been informed by our childhood patterns, traumas and life experiences.
Level 1 Fears- Not being safe. We fear for our financial or physical health and safety we worry about survival, being able to pay the bills, not being able to survive or help our loved ones survive
Level 2 Fears – Not being loved. We also fear not being loved, protected or belonging, what if people don’t like us or accept us for who we are, what if we are the one person who people don’t like, what if we are rejected from the team, from the family, from society for who we are?
Level 3 Fears – Not being good enough. We also fear that we are not good enough, that we won’t fulfil our potential, that we are not worthy of love because we haven’t worked hard enough, got enough stuff, achieved enough and become the best we can be. So, we work really hard to prove ourselves to ourselves or each other but sometimes that still isn’t filling the hole of enough-ness
No matter what level we are in an organisation, the thing that unites us is we are all humans with hopes and fears.
As we progress and grow as humans, through our lives stages and trials and successes we learn along the way that we are indeed safe, lovable and good enough and if we are lucky we find ourselves being less afraid and stepping even more into our potential, purpose and greatness.
Then unplanned things happen in life, divorce, separation, moving countries, death, illness, redundancy, mergers, acquisitions, new bosses, new jobs, new team members, rejection.
No matter how much progress we’ve made in life often these things can trigger these early fears in us, and we find ourselves back down in our habitual habits of worry and fear.
I don’t know anyone who is not trapped by some of their fears some of the time. It’s a life’s work to acknowledge, own and transcend our fears.
Often, we do have a sense at what we want but we keep ourselves stuck through all the stories we tell ourselves about our fears. The only thing to fear is fear itself.
As I sit with myself and many clients this week I notice many of us are in a bit of fear. Fear can feel debilitating. The not knowing, the rocking backwards and forwards, the wondering what if? It’s good to remind ourselves that we can only overcome our fears by taking action.
1. Fear is a natural part of growth. If you don’t want to fear you don’t want to grow.
If you are growing and evolving and stretching yourself, there will be fear. Fear is at the edge of our comfort zone and we are never fully ready for the next thing.
Many of us wait until we feel less afraid or we delay / avoid by getting more information, over planning, over thinking.
The truth is if you want the next step and the growth there is going to be fear.
So if you know there is always going to be fear – you wouldn’t let it stop you – you’d just be like hello fear my friend, I see you, I hear you, let’s do this together!
2. We dissolve our fears by confronting them.
We can dissolve our fears but confronting them. Often I ask my clients to work through the worst case scenarios, tell me if the worst thing happens what will happen, then happen next and after that… and if it all goes to sh!t – will you still be OK?
Imagine that thing you were afraid of a few years ago? Now you’ve done it many times are you still afraid of it? If you’d never done anything about it and were still living in fear how would that be.
I know you might be afraid of losing your job, not being able to pay your bills – it’s turbulent out there, but then use the energy of that fear to take action, plan, save, hustle harder make sure it doesn’t materialise or if it does you have choices and options!
3. The only way to feel better about yourself and more confident is to go out there and do the thing you fear
What is keeping you stuck right now? What are your worst fears? The only way to feel better about yourself is by first doing the things you fear!
When you make something happen, not only does the fear of the situation go away, but you also build your self-confidence.
We often wait for our confidence to face our fears, but often it’s the reverse, when you face your fear, you will build your confidence to handle future fears.
It’s a mastery of your mindset.
4. You are going to feel fear when ever you are on unfamiliar ground, but so will everyone else
None of us is alone. We may feel like we’re the only ones with this irrational fear. But really, everyone is feeling those same feelings.
Fear is a natural phenomenon that everyone experiences.
Our vulnerability to share our fears is our super power of connection.
5. Pushing through the fear is less frightening than feeling powerless and like you have no choice but to put up with things.
One of my beliefs is that we always have a choice. We often keep ourselves in our fear by believing we have no choices.
We always do have options and choices. They might be difficult, uncomfortable, non-preferred choices but there are always choices and options and paths and possibilities.
It can be comforting to feel that people are doing stuff to us, like we are the victims, and sometimes we are the victims of circumstances beyond our control. Even then we have a choice, are we going to let that define us and keep us stuck or are we going to let ourselves grieve, feel the fear, the uncertainty and push through anyway?
One quote that guides me through my good and bad times is…
This too shall pass….When things are not so good it gives me hope that things will change, when things are going well, it reminds me to cherish the moments.
Life is a rollercoaster, facing any new or unplanned situations will always feel scary, but challenging yourself to go beyond the fear, allows you to develop your self-confidence and a feeling that you can handle whatever life throws at you.
I hope you can feel the fear, and do it anyway today, this week, this month, this life 😊
